The Texting Episode

"Hey! what's up?"

"nm"

"Oh cool! Me neither! I'm just studying"

30 minutes later

"ok"

"Alright, it was so good talking to you. We should hang out sometime. See you around"

"k"

Has this ever happened to you? Because this is how most of our texting conversations with the opposite sex play out. But its not the opposite sex that's the problem (well, most of the time), its the concept of texting itself. Texting is appropriate for when you have a quick question or need to tell a girlfriend that you just bought those fabulous new platinum Tory Burch shoes from her spring cruise line. It's a medium for communicating simple information...so why are all of our deepest relationships these days supposed to be based on some cyber-font that was sent to a satellite and back?

"So are you guys talking?"

"Yeah, we text everyday!"

Lame people. What happened to the days when you could pick up the phone and have a real conversation with someone? Just last week a friend of ours freaked out when her boy toy didn't respond to her within 5 minutes of sending him a text. Ok fine that was us, but still. Back in the 19th century, a girl had to wait months for her letter to ride horseback all the way across the country and back...and that's if it wasn't lost along the way or if her lover didn't get small pox and die (Oregon Trails must have been a bitch).

But seriously people, just because your homegirl or your most recent affair doesn't instantly respond to your attempt at a deep and meaningful conversation, that doesn't mean you will end up alone. So turn off the Death Cab album, and pull yourself together. If you take a good look around, you'll see that you don't need the affection of some frat-daddy to make you feel adequate. Who needs the approval of a 20 year old male with a beer belly and Daddy's last name as his only credibility? It's not that hard to pull off Ralph Lauren and a pair of croakies.

So stop checking your phone every five seconds and telling yourself you were just looking at the time. Because texting someone "What's up?" every other day won't get you the Tiffany's Lucida Three-Stone diamond ring. And while you're at it, get off facebook chat. If he didn't chat you five minutes ago, staying online that much longer won't magically alter the universe and give him the sudden urge to talk to you.

Woman up. For realz.

We hope George W. is texting Laura.